Lyrics
Well, I got myself a dog, I taught him how to read and write
Remarkably perceptive and unusually erudite
He was tall, and he was handsome, and his coat was kinda wiry
And every time I'd see him he was writing in his diary
It happened he was sleeping, I caught him as he'd just been fed
I opened up his diary and here's a bit of what I read
"Oh, he feeds me, he leads me out beyond the sacred wall
And now and then he likes it, if I run after his favourite ball
He says he wants it back, and then forgives me if I misconstrue
He smiles on me benevolently, whatsoever I may do
I've put it to the other dogs, and no one thinks it odd
Because he feeds me and leads me, I believe that he is God"
Now, I am not emotional, but happy here to testify
This doggy-style devotional had brought a tear to my eye
So I got myself a cat of a particularly gifted breed
And taught it with alacrity to competently write and read
When I checked the introduction to the thesis for her PhD
Here we have the opening regrettably I chanced to see
"Hey, he feeds me, he needs me, he really was a fortunate find
And never in my lifetimes have I met a more obedient kind
I issue my demands, and I am certain he will always give
No matter how I scratch, and can be generally combative
The other cats agree with me, they spit and sagely nod
Because he feeds me and needs me, I believe that I am God"
So it all comes down to attitude and here is how I feel we stand
Knowledge is a blessing, unless it's getting out of hand
I did some reassessing, and finally normality returned
I called it an experience, and ended knowing lessons had been learned
The dog was on the money, but the moral surely has to be
Never trust a cat who is a Doctor of Philosophy