Kneecaps

My friends say I get intense when I've been drinking

They say that I do weird shit and get kind of abrasive
(what a load of shhh)
I intend on bringing an end to their erroneous thinking
(tonight's the night)
So I wait for a natural break in their conversation

And then I whip my kneecaps out
(just to relax them)
And the whole room falls to silence
(and I can tell by their expressions that I'm impressing... them)

I know what they're thinking-
Woah!

This fella has got the finest
Patellas I wish that mine were like his
I've never seen a knee be stylish

Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, there's not a single doubt
That when they see my kneecap everybody's feeling comfortable

Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, there's not a single doubt
That they like to see my kneecap resting lightly on the coffee table

My work here is done so I leave them all stunned
And I head to the bathroom
But I find my buddy Richie in tears drinking beer from an antique jug
He says he got dumped by Amanda Du Champ man I feel so bad for him
So I open up my arms to give him a hug
Wait a second

I should whip my kneecaps out
(and so i do it)
And he instantly stops crying
(he's staring blankly at me and I know what that means)

It means that he's thinking-
Woah!
(I can't believe it)
This fella has got the finest
Patellas I wish that mine were like his
I've never seen a knee be stylish

Now my friends sit me down, it's an intervention (yeah)
You gotta stop whipping out your kneecaps it's too intense man
We're trying have nice time, and you're killing the vibe
You're freaking out the dog, and you made James cry
Well reverse psychology doesn't work on me
It's so clear what the subtext is

They wanna see my kneecaps out
(they wanna goggle)
And honestly who can blame them
(I only see them from above and even I'm falling in love)

They've got such a potent power
(such massive knobbles)
There's no human who could tame them

I'm not to blame that by comparison James' kneecaps
Are so freaking lame, man

Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh, you're wondering how I get them out?
Well it's just simple hatch that I sowed in my jeans

Oooh, oohh whipping my kneecaps out
Oooh, ooh, increasing my social clout
Oooh, ooh,they're too cool not to flout
I wear my kneecaps backwards to make me look even cooler